Drawn-out December.

After my last exam on the fifth day of December, I had a few days of comatose catch-up sleep and then began to work non-stop for the next few weeks.

I find it rewarding to keep myself occupied with working and going places and doing things. I don’t know why it worked out this way this December, but that’s how it has ended up. I must say it feels odd but nice, different and good. This is probably going to be the last semester break filled up with part-time job gigs.

Okay, this is going to be the last semester break I’m going to have.

Because after one more semester, there is no more break happening.

Because it will just be freaking graduation, and that’s all, folks.

My main priority currently is to not freak out and stay calm.

Unfortunately I can’t think of what comes next after “staying calm”, unlike those popular poster things with the smart-ass sayings of the “Keep Calm and Something Something”.

Anyhow, my point about this December is that it feels kind of drawn-out and yet also as if it whizzed past by. I suppose this is what it feels like to work every day non-stop hours on end with no end-point in sight, coupled with the feeling of one’s future immediately imminent.

I’m not making much sense right now.

Just wish everyone had a great December.

I think I did.

Let me think about it more.

The accompanying changes of age.

Is this what happens as you get older?

Besides forgetting things more effortlessly, we begin to experience this loss of intensity of the excitement we feel about things that we once felt incredibly worked up over.

Like getting the newly released album of your favourite singer.

It used to be, “Oh my god, I have to listen to the first new song N-O-W!”

Now, it has mellowed to something along the lines of, “Okay, good, a new album. Finally I can update the tunes in my mind, but now I’ve to remember to buy it when I pass by the CD store.”

That’s not to say that you feel as if you can’t be bothered with it. You do care about it, but the excitement of going after it is gone. There is something about it that feels as if the potential of excitement has been weighed down with shrouds of banality about a number of different things whirling and twirling about in your mind, about to-dos, about tasks, goals, priorities, about “what-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life”s.

Somehow, as the need for extreme scrimping and saving to get that thing that you want diminishes, so does the thrill, anticipation and sheer excitement.

Is this why there are so many older young adults who splurge like maniacs to get those things of extreme luxury, something our younger selves couldn’t get close to understanding or comprehending how they could ever justify their massive expenditure? Were they just chasing and seeking that thrill that has so diminished with age? Do they get it back in the end?

I suppose it might be inevitable, the dulling of the edges of excitement. Going through life and its accompanying tedium is probably an immensely effective spiritual sandpaper.

I suppose, in exchange for that, perhaps we would be awarded with glimpses of another tenet of the meaning of life.

Maybe this is how people who were older than we eventually came to gain the pieces of peace in their lives that helped them make sense of the things in their lives that didn’t make sense before, and then they died, knowing the happy wisdom, and in that moment of passing, they go with the knowing that it could be possible that they could have a shot at an afterlife of bliss.

That would be nice.

And also I suppose that could be part of the reason why we find children so freaking entertaining and why children are still so freaking entertained by so many things. They are still very sensitive to the durian of excitement that is life to them. They still get excited about being poked and pierced and just being high on life in general.

Along the way, we begin sanding off thorns, growing thicker skins and investing in better gloves.

And that’s good, because it’s bound to happen anyway, so might as well say it’s a good thing.

It’s a good thing.